The Housewarming Drama

Hi my dolls!! I am currently writing this as “Priscilla” by Sofia Coppola is playing in the background (I've seen the movie before). Tomorrow, omg, I didn’t realize it’s already tomorrow, the new “Marie Antoinette” documentary on the making of the movie by Coppola will be added to MUBI!! And I. Can’t. Wait!!!! Anyways, I thought I’d yap a little until dinner.

The original plan

So, almost two weeks ago, I held a housewarming together with my roommate in our new apartment. The housewarming itself went great! It’s just that the planning was a big, and I mean, big drama. Let me get into it.

When we first planned the whole thing, my roommate proposed we’d start it at 8.30pm and end it by midnight. Keep this in mind. That She, I repeat; She proposed that timeframe. Which I thought was a good plan! Because my school hours, since I study film, are very long and intense (leaving the house at 9am and coming home around 6.30pm).

Some time goes by, we make a groupchat on Instagram with all the people that are invited, and we send the info. My roommate sent the message with all the right info. All the right info except the finishing time, only the start time. Which I didn’t even think much of at that time. But later I realized that my roommate very intentionally did that.

Suspicions arise

Three days before the housewarming, on Friday evening, while I’m waiting for my super delayed train with classmates, I get a message from my roommate:“You know, since there are a decent amount of people coming to the housewarming, maybe we should make the end hour later than midnight?”

I had a little trouble with that. Mostly because she sent it so late, and because she knew that I had very important and long lessons that week. That’s also what I answered, but she kept on insisting, and even told me that she thought it was “kinda lame” if we didn’t change it to a later hour. I understood her, because she is a people pleaser, and also really cares about what other people think of her. But she did have to realize that I care more about school than fitting in and what other people think. So, after discussing it with my classmates that were with me, standing in the super crowded train, I proposed we’d go until 1am. Which was an hour later than we first planned, but also the absolute furthest that I could stretch to when it came to the end time. She had some trouble with that proposal, but eventually was okay with it. Until...

My roommate sent me a message about sending a reminder message into the groupchat about the party. She wrote the thing and asked if I was ok with the message. The message said something like: “Hi!! Reminder that Monday evening is the housewarming! The address is xyz! We’re excited to see you guys there! Ps: Bring extra booze!!” 

Booze, Booze, Booze!!

I was okay with the whole message except for the “extra booze” part. Because we had discussed that it was important for people to know it wasn’t a crazy houseparty, it was a housewarming. Therefore, I proposed that we’d change it to something that didn’t sound so much like a necessity, because we had planned to buy enough alcohol for everyone. She read my message, did not respond, and just sent out the original message without my suggestion right into the groupchat??!!! 

I don’t get mad very easily, so I was just (to her) like “It's a bummer that you just sent that message out of the blue. If my suggestion was stupid or silly, and you thought that people would understand that it's not a party but a housewarming, you could have just said so!! :) Because now, just forwarding that message to the group chat without any response to my suggestion at all? I think that's a little weird, you know?”. She did not even open the groupchat. Ofcourse I thought that was a little weird. Then, on Sunday, I came to the realization that the end time (1am) was never mentioned in the groupchat. So people did not know that there was an end time for the party. That’s when I did something that felt very out of my own nature, but it had to be done.

The drama begins

She wasn’t answering my messages, nor opening them. Since I was a little suspicious about why she had never mentioned the end time to her friends, I asked her what she was planning to do after the housewarming was done (like going to a cafe or something), so I could also propose that idea to my friends, and they could go together after the housewarming was done. She wasn’t answering those messages either. So I took matters into my own hands and was like “Oh, by the way, since we forgot to mention the end time of the housewarming in the groupchat, I’ll send a message right now!!” It felt a little sneaky, but it had to be done, because I knew she wouldn’t do it. Even though we had an agreement.

And then!! Like 5 minutes after I had sent the message into the groupchat, suddenly she was all active and online again!!

“Look, I'm actually starting to find this a little annoying. It's taking away all the spontaneity of the party—and the fun for me. I don't feel like doing this anymore. We'll see what happens. We'll talk about it tonight at our apartment” is what she sent to me. And I was flabbergasted. 

Me during this whole discussion

I said that I thought it would be a bummer if we’d cancel the housewarming, and that I would not change my mind about the (already extended) time when we would talk about it in person. Then she said she wasn't going to change her mind either and that she thought I wasn't compromising enough. I did not agree with that, cause two days earlier I literally extended the time to a later hour???

Then I told her about my worries and distrust that I had in that she would let the housewarming go on longer than our agreed time, and that I'd be on my own if we had to start sending people away. Resulting in a lot of stress that I really couldn't handle right before such an intense schoolweek. Then, as a defense, my roommate started making lots of assumptions about my school motivation and said that “Since you didn't go to school two days a week ago, I thought you wouldn't mind skipping school the day after the housewarming either”. But that was such a weird assumption to make because first of all, I had a migraine?? So I literally couldn’t go to my classes?? And second of all, even if I skipped my classes at some point, that doesn't mean that I wanted to skip them again?? 

In this situation, I even made it clear multiple times that my classes that week were pretty important, so it was lowkey just a lame excuse of hers (a fallacy, if I may) to try to get me to change my mind. She also said that she had spoken to her parents, her colleagues, her friends, and even her hairdresser about the situation, and that: “They all thought it's weird for a housewarming to end so early”. 

But like, honey, you came up with the timeframe in the first place?? So you’re just saying this and changing your mind about the whole thing because other people have a certain opinion about this, not because you had this opinion all along. So unfortunately, we are not changing these times (is what I was thinking at that point), and she needed to get over it.

The confrontation

When it became evening, I didn't even know if I still wanted to go to my apartment (I go to my parents on the weekends and go back on Sunday evening). But since I had to take out the trash, I had no choice. I got on the train with a shit feeling in my stomach. When I got to the place, she wasn’t there yet (she was still on the train). So I took out the trash and settled in while she arrived. I asked if she was ready to talk or if she needed to get settled first, and she said, “I’ll get settled first, and then I’m ready to talk”. So I waited.

Suddenly, she starts setting up the living room for the housewarming. So I was like: “Are we going to talk this out?”. She wasn't answering and looked obviously frustrated. So I said, “Roommate, we both don't want to be mad at each other, let's talk this out”. She looked at me, and a whole word vomit came out her mouth about all the little frustrations she had been suppressing over the past few weeks.

I just let her say everything that was on her mind, and what she needed to say, to calm down. Because I knew that if I started answering any of the accusations about all the wrong things I did (according to her) over the past weeks, while she was talking to me about them, she would just get mad at any answer I’d give.

What a hassle this all is just because
she's lowkey just bad at communication 

Her frustrations were mostly just about me forgetting certain things. Which is because of my ADD and extremely busy school and work schedule. And that isn't an excuse, I understand her frustration, of course, but it is something that we are both still figuring out on how to handle. Because the thing is that she also has ADD and (a lot of) forgetfulness. So we just need to find a system that works for us (since we only really live together since the beginning of October).

After my roommate calmed down, we talked. And I let her know all the reasons I was so forgetful over the past weeks, which, next to all the usual things, also included more personal family matters that I don’t like to talk about a lot. So she didn't know about them. I let her know that I understood her frustrations, but that it is just something we have to get through to find a system that works for the both of us.

Then we started talking about the housewarming matter. She said she had already made her peace with the 1am mark at this point (which I hoped would happen, because I knew that she would think it even more lame to cancel the housewarming last minute). She did want to let me know that she finds it hard to send people away, so that I’d have to help her with that. Which I understood. I still had my doubts about how much effort she would make when it actually came to sending people away, but whatever, I was glad that we would actually finish the whole thing at 1am, and not just let it go on until whenever.

Lesson learned (I guess??)

When we came to the end of what was now a chill and okay conversation, she started talking about her Halloween costume and stuff. Everything was back to normal. 

But let me tell you, that was one hell of a ride.

I made sure that in the future, if she wanted to plan any kind of party, she’d just have to let me know in advance, so I could make plans to sleep at my parents' house for a night, you know?

I don’t want to be the one that limits her party girl life! I wish I could live that life, but I just don’t have enough energy and time for that! We just have to communicate about it, so we can both feel comfortable around each other. And that’s also what we agreed to do in the future. Also because I do not want her to secretly scheme anymore. Cause that is so annoying and childish. Did I mention she is an only child? Not saying that every only child is like this, but my god, my roommate is definitely a special case. Luckily, I am patient, but not a people pleaser. So I hold my ground, and will keep doing that! LOL

Anyways, this was the whole housewarming drama! Hope you enjoyed reading about itttt. I'll be talking about the housewarming itself in another, emotionally lighter post :pp

If you have any thoughts, please let me know in the comments!! I am desperate to hear from you guys <3 Alrighty, that's it!

Kisses, Admirable Daughter

Me monday morning, and the housewarming hadn't even happend yet